Been worried recently about what it is that I want to do and where I see myself in the future so I wanted to just get some honest thinking done and maybe if I do it as a blog post i’ll force myself to be honest. So lets begin
When I was younger I, like many others, had a clear view and a perceived path towards the moments and position I wanted to reach within my life. At the time they were so specific. Down to the individual age that I wanted to achieve certain milestones at. As time went on I pushed those further and further away forever changing or moving the goal post until eventually I forgot the game I was playing in its entirety. I think that’s just the result of growing up realizing that success or even satisfaction are far more than just a singular step away but are in fact complicated path that no one can tell you or force you to walk down. Maybe that naivety is exclusive to me though. Either way my goals changed.
At this point in my life my goals are much more complicated than a younger me could understand. Now I have goals for my friendships and relationship, I hope to have love and be loved honestly someday which is something I never even perceived as a kid and even if I did it was in dreams where I’d fantasize about what I thought love was. In the past my friends were just the people I was always around because of school but now they’re the people I make active choices to be around and I’d like to be as enriching to them as they are to me.
In the past I have dreams of being a scientist or singer or some other crazy thing. Those things science and music are still things that I’m passionate about but I’d be lying if I said I still loved them at the same degree or even in the same way that I did. Instead of singing I prefer Mixing and Mastering music now. It feels much more honest to me to help another artist create their vision and their own music rather than trying to make my own which always left me feeling selfish and weird. I still enjoy composing piano solo’s from time to time though which is something I never thought I’d like and I think that might be the point I’m trying to convey through this blog post, Shit changes ya know?
With the crazy family that I have I would have never thought that I’d want kids of my own, but I’m not a kid anymore, and I do.
With the goals that I had on the past I never thought I’d want a corporate job, but I’m not a kid anymore, and I do.
Shit changes and I’m not going to walk around and act like I feel bad for the younger version of me who didn’t get everything right, he and I have changed and I’m ok with that. I’m still working towards his passions and I still have those goal posts sitting somewhere on the field but at this point if I can find my happiness without running into them then I’m fine with that and he would be too. Shit maybe I’ll run into one accidentally. That’d be fun.
Sorry to drag this on but I want to leave a modified quote from a friend of mine that I think incapsulates my thoughts on this.
I don’t need to be passionate about what I’m doing. I need to be passionate about what/who I’m doing it for. Anything else is extra.
-JMM
When asked about dream jobs
Catching Up
Yo so sorry to follow up that thing above with just a regular ass message but I just wanted to give some small updates.
Been creating a larger catalog of drafted Blog posts. Like the one above I’ll have something I want to think through and just kinda decide to leave it in drafts. Maybe I’ll finish them all eventually but like the title I make no promises about them.
In terms of TTRPG stuff I have an idea for something cool I want to do on that section of the Site but it’ll be along time coming. Secondarily I can say that the Campaign notes for Edge of The Empire and Heralds of The End are coming along just slower than I wished. Thirdly Dreamscape is conceptually moving forward but I’m waiting on something before entering official go mode on that game. In terms of creating more lore for Ghull I’ve just kinda been in a slump for a second on it. I’m hoping that finishing the Campaign notes will free up more headspace for world building though.
Just three more things
I’m going back up to Portland and with the permission of my friends I hope to record a silly podcast and some other stuff up there. Idk should be fun though.
2nd to last I promise. I wish I could say I have better news than this but I am 2 interviews down and waiting to see if i’ll get a third at a new job. They were supposed to tell me if I’d be continuing as a candidate for the job today though and I haven’t heard anything sooo. we’ll see
Lastly is that I’ve got a game project that I’m working I’m not gonna make any promises though python is hard as fuck.